Toronto

The goodbyes in Montreal were easier than I expected, or at least, much less sentimental than I was dreading they would be. I think I'm a bit emotionally drained so I don't think I see the goodbyes so much as a sad thing as I see it as something that just is - es muss sein. At that point of no return you can only look ahead or you can't keep moving.

So with last minute goodbyes under my belt, two hefty bags worth of my life here, and an early morning haul to the ride share Cardy and I were off to Toronto.

At first it didn't hit me but then slowly the sadness did creep in. Lucky for me though, Cardy and Toronto are too much fun to linger for too long.

She and I stayed at a backpackers hostel downtown because Cardy lives in the suburbs and we wanted to be central for all the action. We were close to Chinatown and this great area called Kensington Market. I've come to the conclusion that my favorite part of traveling is the food - if that's good the rest usually follows suit. Toronto delivers in the food department, and it helps that Cardy knows where it's at. So we've been eating a lot.

We checked in and then Cardy took me for potstickers! I haven't had potstickers in ages and they're typically the kind you buy frozen at Costco. We then walked around Kensington Market and explored the little clothing stores and colorful shops, coffee houses, and markets. It's such a sweet area to hang out in that we spent quite a bit of time there.

That evening we saw Mamet's Glengarry Glen Ross at Soulpepper - a really good local theatre company (the kind I'd like to intern for). Great production in all aspects. The theatre is located in the renovated distillery district so it's a beautiful locale inside and out. The area definitely has a different feel than The Mainline in Montreal which is beat down with hand painted flames outside its doors. I'm not even sure I should be comparing the two as Soulpepper may be more equivalent to the Centaur in Montreal - hard to tell since Anglo theatre isn't as popular as francophone. I like both for different reasons but the common thread tends to be their choice of production work; career wise I'm leaning towards the more established, money making companies - girl's got to make a living.

That evening the sleepiness hit me so I took a two hour nap which Cardy graciously let me take. We left the hostel for a late night dinner at a Chinese Diner. I've been missing out on so much. Cardy had me try Congee which is basically this sort of rice based porridge. We got fish Congee and ate it with fried bread bits. So simple and delish. Then we left quite late to walk to the art school found in Toronto: OCAD - it's designed to look like a cube being held up by colored pencils. By 3 am we had walked to the town hall area. It was kind of nice to walk in the cool evening air and see the city at night - bustling even at 3 am!

Next morning we ate ate this great breakfast shop with lots of rolls and sweets: egg tart, pineapple bun with a custard on top, curry beef bun, coconut tart, raisin twist - I must find a shop like this in my next place of residence. After eating we made tracks to the Ontario Museum of Art. King Tut was there so we spent a lot of time in that exhibit. I made a point of going to see Wangechi Mutu's work which is temporarily collected in the museum - the first large collection of her works. She's a contemporary artist that I was introduced to when Daniel and I had gone to San Francisco's MOMA and her work just blew me away. They had given her a room and she had transformed it in her unique style familiar in her works. She does collages that comment on women, africanness, globalization, and sexuality - if I can be so forward in my simplifications of her messages. She collages and they're very good collages. Jess is another one that I can look at for hours given the opportunity and I'm beginning to wonder if collage art suits my aesthetic pallet. When I went to explore with the bit of time I had left after Tut and Mutu I found this trippy (apologies for the lame adjective) sculpture by David Altmejd - The Index. The guy made this huge piece made of mirrors with anthropomorphic birds and a broken apart werewolf and all sorts of little details along the way. There was an area you could walk into and I stayed too long or something because all the mirrors and little details started to make me jumpy. I was moved, affected, and engaged - the kind of art I dig generally has to have an eclectic sense for me to dig it, I suppose.

Vietnamese subs followed. YUM.

We met a few people in the hostel; a dude from Amsterdam, a Finish guy, and one German girl and boy. We convinced them to go to the Cameron house with us for some "garage jazz cabaret noir"Kevin Quain and the Mad Bastards. We ended up sitting next to this working Torontonian named Julie who was really talkative and gave us all the stories from her travels. Her latest was Nashville where she swore all the bars had strip karaoke and the people were so friendly she tended to think it was a joke. People do say "ya'll" and ex cons stop to give friendly directions.

The band was really good and the venue was pretty great itself. Julie said that it works as an art gallery so the interior design is always different. This one was full of decorated cowboy boots and paintings. The band plays every Sunday and they are very local and established. I was pretty blown away by their songs, the covers songs, and the choice to play the saw for "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." I downloaded that stuff when I got to Cardy's house because the guy didn't have anymore of the album I wanted.

Today, after doing some last minute souvenir shopping in Kensington market we moved over to North York - the subway where Cardy lives. Uh...is it bad that I felt a sense of relief when I hit suburb sidewalk? Wow. I must miss all of Stockton if that's where I'm at.

Cardy's house is great. Her Mom and sister Camen are really welcoming and I got to have homemade Chinese dinner. I really want to learn to make the ginger, garlic, coriander fish that Cardy's Mom made for us. Right now I'm feeling really good just chilling out and blogging in a living room on their massage chair (oh yeah!) right after watching the Canadiens beat Washington in a pivotal game for the Stanley cup - let's hope they beat em for the 7th game.

I've got another day here with Cardy and then it's off to Chicago and Andrew Doney - a friend from Sonoma who recently moved there for work in music. I'm really glad this is the place I get to say goodbye to Cardy as we've been planning to go to Toronto together since we bonded so quickly in the beginning. It's been really special for me.

I think this is going to be my final blog entry in my study abroad adventure. But I do want to document my adventures back to California through middle America so I'll start another blog up for that.

I'd hate to sum up my experience in some petty adjectives and cliches that don't do it justice but let me just do it anyway: eye-opening, character building, learning experience, fun, challenging, good for me, lots of heart, courage for another fresh start. Okay.

Thanks for the support and for reading. You're interest is what really makes it all possible. See most of you very soon.

Right Back Where I Started From

It's a bittersweet week as I make my preparations to return home. I decided to go home because even summer didn't seem like a good idea after a series of events told me it's time to go back to the sunshine state and my family. Yes, Tim and I did break up, but I'd say it was a collections of things that made me realize I'm not ready to stay still here much longer. I'm a wanda wanda wanderer.

I'm a graduate?! I finished not long ago with a really anticlimactic Greek Mythology final. Let us keep our fingers crossed until I actually get all those courses approved by SSU. There is a %50 chance that I may need to take one other course at SSU before I can get that official certificate that says I signed away my life for four years. Toying with the idea of walking with my class just to do it for the sake of feeling some sort of accomplishment after all the papers, studying, and crappy summer jobs.

Now I'm going to do what I want to do. Anyway, I leave in a few for Toronto with Cardy, then I'll stop in Chicago to see Andrew, and then my Dad will pick me up and we're going to drive back together. It's a pretty great way to return home, if I say so myself.

I'm so excited to see my family! I'm not excited at all to be coming home to Stockton, especially after having such a life of freedom and jam packed fun in Montreal. The plan is to be home for a month or so and then move out asap when I have a plan/job. To which city you ask? Don't know yet, I suppose it all depends.

Yesterday Graham, Cameron, and I checked out the St-Joseph Oratory. It's a huge church on the hill, very impressive interior, huge organ, the works. It was really interesting to see after reading a book on Quebec history and the importance of the church beginning with its founding until just recently (in history time).

Photos courtesy of Graham!

Sunburn

I've never been happy to sport the pinkish aftermath of laying in the sun too long without sunscreen except this once. This weekend the weather has been in the 20's (high 60's, low 70's for Fahrenheit). I've packed away my winter things in my suitcase and started putting on my summer clothes. I walk outside and want to jump up and down like a little kid, it makes me so happy. I've got a week and a half more of school at this point so I'm trying to remember that.

This weekend I was outside on the balcony, my window flung open. The old place had a BBQ and we had friends over, and yesterday I went to an Easter Sunday picnic with people from the hostel. Judith and Daniel had made colored eggs and Easter bread. We played some American football. Everyone in Montreal swarmed the Mont-Royal - I've never seen so many babies and puppies in one weekend - it must be spring.

My birthday was really nice. It was the weekend before the Vagina Monologues and a tough week of school for me so I was kind of stressed and tired. But Tim took care of things pretty much for me. He took me out in the morning and along the walk to go ice skating I kept running into friends that he had asked to wait along the way. That evening we all were at my house and he had Logan create a little video that explained how my friends had all chipped in money to have him come visit me. It was a very thoughtful present and a very memorable birthday for sure.

The next weekend we put on the show. It was a great success and a really important weekend for me. We had the space for a very limited time so tech was very cramped and we all really had to work hard to organize so everything was done on time. I'm so happy with the outcome of everyone's hard work. This has been a very rewarding experience and one that reassured me that theatre is where it's at.

The cast just before opening

I've been doing lots of research for programs, fellowships, and internships in the field and I'm surprised at how much there is out there in the form of sponsorship.

I'm just enjoying the rest of my Easter break, as we have Monday off, and trying to get some research done for a paper. It's going to rain this week, and while I'm not too thrilled, at least it will keep me indoors and concentrating for the last stretch of school.

I'll write when the last final is finished. Cheers!

Waking Up to Sunshine

Dear friends, family, and stalkers,

It's been a little while. It's been quite a while, really. My apologies for that, I know that my grandparents on both sides (who would get the award for being the best g-parents around when it comes to supporting their grandchildren with letters of encouragement, packages of love, and emails of concern) are probably starting to wonder about me. Don't you worry, I'll be better about it for the duration of school (and summer, if you so wish).

Though it may be the shortest month in the calendar this February was the longest for me; I think this is partially due to how last month was around when I started feeling very over winter, when the short days really got to me, and when I had the most difficult time in school and at home (as in the apartment I was living at previously). A lot of it had to do with Tim and I dating long distance via skype and texts; albeit it ended up being only a month of separation but it was still difficult. It had just blossomed right before he left, and I suppose since we lived together and were such good friends already it made it really hard to suddenly not see each other everyday and try to learn how to be together in our new developed dynamic. Don't get me wrong, it was a lot of fun too just getting to know each other from a distance with our new feelings for each other. Sufficed to say I had a difficult time concentrating on school and it wasn't until he came back just before Valentine's day that I was thankfully given winter break (or reading week) to be with him and do some catch up work for school that I felt a little better.

I do, however, often have to remind myself that I'm here for school. But school has been a challenge for me because I've gotten in a bit of a slump with winter - the cold has made me want to hibernate. This is difficult, because I'm here as a creative writing major - and the last thing I want to do right now is sit down and write. When it's not sleep, life and the work I'm doing outside of the rigidity of the classroom is much more exciting and has been the thing that has kept me warm this winter.

It's not till recently that the weather is miraculously warmer and the sun lasts longer. I found the perfect new place: cheap, great roommates, same street I was living on, and I have a huge sunny window! Though, this too has its disadvantages because now all I want to do is be outside, get to know my new roomies, or cook in my new kitchen: anything to avoid school.

Ladies and gents, I may be coming to the end of it, but I've come to realize that this girl isn't made for academia. At least, not right now. And if it was academia I was meant for, then it was at a school like Concordia with a degree that focused on directing and stage management. I've half admitted this to myself many a time, but always just kept going because my goal seemed more driven towards finishing school so that I wouldn't waste time or money.

Note: I do plan on going to grad school, but probably not for a long while. Time to self educate, explore my options and passions, and explore the world.

I may not be particularly compatible with my English major, and I can tell you I certainly feel a fraud as a creative writing major; but I can tell you that I know and love theatre. I have started to feel really comfortable in the work I've done and the experience I've slowly gathered in theatre classrooms and projects. I feel like I belong, now more than ever, in the theatre process. For now. I'm very much okay with realizing later that theatre isn't my thing but I think it's about time I accept that it's what gets me going, moving, thinking, and learning; and has been that thing for some time now - regardless of how little money it will make me. And I think it took coming to a place like Montreal to really accept that about myself. I'm not knocking Sonoma, it's just that I reached the big fish in a little pond feeling there and I guess that's why I plunked myself in a larger environment to begin with. Though when I did this, I must admit, I was still pretty intent on miraculously coming into my own as a creative writer. Think again girl. Theatre is pulling on miss Bonnie, but for now it's not in the direction of playwright.

I guess I'm learning that the hard way, and there isn't a day that doesn't go by where I'm not nearly pulling my hair out from frustration about writing a script. Days where I'm cursing those majors who can read a text book, or do an equation and then move on with their lives whereas I've got to sit down and stare at a blank screen and write crap and then only come to my enlightenment at 4 am when my brain won't function correctly anymore to put words on the screen that can capture it. Then going to class on Tuesday and feeling the humiliation that comes along with hearing your drivel out loud. It's not a very fun cycle, but perhaps something I needed to experience. I'm not ruling out writing. But I'm certainly not able to write when I'm in school in a way that I'd like. I think I've got to come into my own on my time off, I think I'm not developed enough outside of school to have the confidence. And I certainly haven't written enough to call myself a writing major. So I say English and emphasize the theatre minor.

I'm loving the Vagina Monologues and I feel so privileged to be a part of this process. In many ways, as other theatre experience has shown, it can be the thing that keeps me energized enough to get through yet another semester. It can be the thing that stresses me out the most, but at the end of the day, it's always something I'm glad I did because I learn so much and feel very accomplished about. Not to mention that I've become very close with the director and friend, Rhea from Winnipeg.

Along the lines of the production: we've got an eight hour rehearsal on Sunday, rehearsals dispersed throughout the week, and then the big weekend is coming where we'll get into tech and then right after the show will be up in the big theatre on campus. I think it's great that even though I came here unable to participate in the theatre productions because I'm not a major, I still found a way to get involved and ended up being in a production that did make its way to the big stage.

School really isn't that far from being finished and I'm starting to formulate my summer. Not only my summer, but it looks as if I'll be finding a way to stay for quite a while with a month visit back to my roots in between. For summer I'm still looking to take a two month, four day a week, $50 French course with Cardy; volunteer for big theatre festival in Montreal, The Fringe, and get other work or volunteerism in with other theatre spaces or companies; and get some sort of job that will allow for me to pay rent and buy groceries. And I've got to find a way to stay without an academic visa after that so it's going to take some research and getting things straight. It's scary but also very exciting because I really do want to stay and I've got lots that's drawing me here - I just realize it's not going to be easy because I am, after all, in another country, not only that, but an area of that country where it's pretty necessary to parler français; something, I'll readily admit, I'm not very good at picking up and I've got to work much harder at.

Something I've learned about myself; something that is noticeably different: I'm a champ at taking on change, but not even that, I need and crave it. I think this was already true but moving to the east coast of North America has a huge impact on my resiliency and desire to be more protean.

A few weekends ago there was a Nuit Blance (translation: up all night) city-wide celebration. My old pack and new pack of roommates conjoined to walk around the city and enjoy all the events. Concordia has been having it's two week Art Matters festival - the largest event of it's kind in North America (I know, right?!). Rhea had a piece in it so Tim and I went to go see her performance as well as all the other performances at the collected works in a local venue. Found some new music! Elgin-Skye is a soon to be purchased album for me. She sings about woodland creatures and manatees.

Also, my birthday is tomorrow and I have been forgetting it's even happening this whole month because it's such a small thing in comparison to everything going on. I'm going to go to some student produced work that I was lucky enough to see written in one of my classes and then I'm going to see my friend in her student produced dance show. Afterward I'm having friends to my new place and then we'll go dancing. Sunday evening after a loooong rehearsal, I'll be going to see Joanna Newsom - a singer/songwriter from Nevada City, California. Somehow, sometime I've got to write this darn script more fully into existence. I seriously get anxiety every time we meet to workshop because it's not getting out there and the day that the class has to see it is just around the corner. This is what I signed up for, and I do realize I'm lucking to be in such a great program with such talented folks - it's just that more often than not, I don't feel like I belong.

I'll post pictures of the new place soon!

I love you all. Hope life finds you well.

I'll stop the world and melt with you like a blister in the sun

Apologies for being a poor blogger this month everyone.

School whacked me in the face and I feel like I've been trying to salve a nosebleed ever since.

Rehearsals are going well and I really like the girls. We rehearse twice a week on the weekends. I've made pretty good friends with the director and it's so much fun working with a student director who is my peer; instead of being someone I'm supposed to learn from, we learn together.

School is going alright now. I'm still really digging my Irish Lit course and all the stuff that our professor brings to the table. The other courses are all great as well, I'm really glad about my choices, I just wasn't prepared for all the readings that I'd be doing.

So fun stuff:



I went to Igloofest last weekend. It's a Canadian thing, I suppose, to go dance to techno music outside in -13 degrees celcius. It was quite a strange novelty dancing around bumping into people in my big puffy jacket. A fun novelty, but I think it will just be a one time thing. Crazy Canadians.

Yesterday I went to go see one of my favorite bands! Nouvelle Vague made there way to Montreal. They're a french band led by two producers that do bossa nova covers of punk and new wave. The producers have said that they wanted to bring new life to the songs so they usually picked women singers who had never heard the originals. It is SO good. Made to sound like 60's French pop; they are such a great live presence band. One of the girls ran into the crowd and danced around with people, me included. The other, for a final song, came into the crowd with her mic while singing and got really dramatic for the song 'Bela Lugosi's Dead' and writhed around on the floor.

Tim and I are now an item, fyi. Dani called it. It's a good fit and I'm happy. And no, we will no longer be roommates, and yes, he is still in Vancouver.

Baaston, Virginia is for lovers, and the Concrete Jungle

Hold onto your butts, this one is long overdue and jam packed and probably not that articulate.



I woke up a little late for the ride share Emilia and I were to take to NYC. Emilia searched on a website where people offer a space in their car for a small fee - it's a pretty awesome system and faster than the bus for crossing the border. Anyway, I wake up late. So I stumble around my room throwing on layers as fast as I can, trying to pack last minute things, and shoving a bagel down I run out the door to the stop where we're supposed to meet. A woman from Montreal is taking her friend from France to NYC with a hired student tour guide. I sleep most the time and it's a pretty relaxed ride. We get to the border and I'm not going to lie, I felt kind of embarrassed to be an American during the border crossing. The people at the border try really hard to intimidate and they're so suspicious of everything. It made me nervous even though I didn't do anything wrong. On the car ride I felt like apologizing to everyone for how silly we were treated, I may have, actually. I don't remember.

Anyway, we get to NYC where we're scheduled to take a bus to Boston. We miss the first bus, but it was a free ticket anyway for a seasonal promotion. So we buy a ticket and we're on the last bus to Boston, on our way between the storms that are going on around this time.

We arrive to see Maeve! It was so good to see her smiling face, a friend from back home! She took such good care of us too. She had meal points and an extra bed for Emilia and I to share so we saved a lot for the day and a half we were there. She shows us Boston College, the city, Boston Museum of Fine Arts, and this rad thrift store called The Garment District. If you ever get a chance, check it out. They have this large pile of clothes you can pretty much swim in and everything in it is $1.50 a pound. We also attended a truly enjoyable Christmas punk show. That was really exciting for me because I've been craving it quite a bit. Punk I mean. Also, just the feel of American, because it is different. I accidentally gave them a Canadian twenty at the entrance and got a little disgruntled. The guy looked at me and was like...yeah...we don't take that here. Also cool about Boston: the accents. Oh man. A successful romp in Boston was had and I'm so glad I got to see Maeve before she left for California Christmas.

Next was Virginia! What a pleasure to bus through other states and see the countryside for cheap. So so so good to see everyone in the fam that lives in the east coast because it's been a while. Kellen especially because I've grown rather fond of that cousin of mine. Virginia is really very beautiful, aunt Lana took such good care of us, Gordon was a lovely chauffeur and snow man maker, and the boys were good for entertainment. It felt like real Christmas. Not that the others were fake before, it's just I've always had the picture in my head that Christmas is snowy. We woke up at 11 to open presents (and I'm used to 6 with Emma), and both Emilia and I were overwhelmed by how kind our family was for being so thoughtful with their gifts. I felt like a little kid again. I got a Uke! After presents we made a snow man, and then Emilia and I made some latkas (part of Christmas with my immediate fam).

Throughout our week there we visited D.C. I got to see the senate and look in on the debates! That means I was watching John Kerry, John McCain and others from an observation deck like animals in a cage. Kind of felt surreal. Checked out some other areas, saw the big tree, the white house, etc. We went to a diner type resto in the D.C. mall so that Emilia could have an American shake.

Devin convinced us to go to the Marine Museum, which was pretty interesting. Also visited George Washington's estates and then an art collective location that used to be a factory that produced missiles. Also, Target. That was kinda lame to get excited about but I was nonetheless. My favorite part of the trip was just exploring the Virginia woods just near the house with my cousins and their dog Toby. What a charming area. And I only had to wear a sweater! It was like spring when we left because all the snow was melting.

I'm so grateful to have spent Christmas with family and to get a feel for what it's like to live in the east. I'm a lucky duck, I tell you. I've got good people in my life. Thanks so much guys! It's a Christmas I won't forget.

Then it was on to NYC. Emilia and I get there and meet with Tim. Apparently the border was more of a jerk to him. Shessh. We get to our hostel and drop our stuff and then go walking around Manhattan to get a sense of the city. We were in NYC for a total of a week and Dani joined after two days of us being there already.

We did the basics: Central Park, Conney Island (so Emilia could take photos), MoMA (with a really well curated Tim Burton exhibit), MET, Broadway - Sarah Rhule's "In The Next Room" - my kind of play as I'm not a big musical fan, food, Brooklyn, Brooklyn Bridge, Greenwich Village, NBC studios, Time Square, the humongous library, and Strand - a three story, plus a basement, of books selling for fairly good prices and probably the number one reason I would consider moving to NYC if I ever had money for it. I guess I did lots of touristy things but it's kind of necessary for that first trip if you've never been there.

We also stopped by ground zero and walked to the edge of the island to gaze at the statue of liberty. I was surprised by how powerfully I was affected walking by ground zero, of course I comprehend the gravity of what occurred but not in such a personal manner before. Much of it is gated and there is construction on the memorial but there was this large beam from the fire that had stayed in tact in the shape of a cross and had been relocated out of the area. It was really affecting me to read the little messages people had scribbled on it to loved ones. Its simplicity gave me some joy as well, because the area looks as if it will just turn into a huge tourist attraction. And that just scares me. But then again, I'm one of the tourists.

For New Years we were at a loss for what to do because Time Square sounded like a terrible idea. Last minute Tim said he was Canadian to a girl on the subway and got us into a cool party with a bunch of New Yorkers. Was fun to ring in the new year in that sort of environment instead of a tourist attraction where you freeze your buns off.

Adventures had, and super tired we make our way to the trains for our 12 hour ride. Whew! I tried to sleep as much as possible but it was a little difficult. I was loopy, for sure. I can't quite explain how calming it felt to return to the hut, it truly has become my home and I did miss it and Montreal in general. Danz had three days to see Montreal so I tried to put as much together as possible. We went to old port, went ice skating, ate food a lot, hung out with friends, went dancing, etc. It was cool to show someone around. In the midst of this I started school, though, so I hope she had a good time even though I had to dash to class sometimes to make sure I got registered.

Here is my next semester: Greek Mythology, Prose, Playwriting, Power and Conflict Resolution, and Irish Dramatic Literature. Can I just say I'm blown away by how cool my Irish Lit prof is? She's directing a McDonagh play and her profession is directing. So we're looking at plays from a theatrical perspective in an English course. It is perfect for me. Did I mention she is British?

Also this semester, I couldn't help myself so I answered a post for a needed stage manager. I'll be stage managing the Vagina Monologues for this semester. I can't tell you how excited I am. This is an amazing, poignant, and important piece for women and men alike. I've seen it performed twice at Sonoma and both years I was blown away. Before you start bemoaning how your relative is some crazed feminist who chants in your face or doesn't shave her pits please just check out the site if you don't know what the show is: http://www.vday.org/home
This year all proceeds will go to women in the Congo. The vagina monologues is part of the worldwide movement called V-Day, dedicated to ending violence against women and girls.

I've met with the cast and crew and I can tell it's going to be a really rewarding experience and one that I will return to in years to come. Some of you know how much I need large projects in order to thrive, so you understand how excited and energized this makes me. It's been a flurry of a week and the next is just happening! I wish things would slow down because this is, after all, the last of my undergrad.

Oh yeah, also doing belly dancing. I start tomorrow. Wud up. I love you Montreal.

One thing not to be so excited about, though I am excited for him: Tim leaves Friday morning for a Vancouver work adventure. The company he works for is moving him there for the Olympics for two months. I guess it's not that long but I'll still miss him. Guido (his twin) will take his spot for the time so it will ease the difference of him no longer being around. Plus Guido can teach me Uke!

We had a lovely little belated Christmas where we opened gifts and then went out for sushi all dressed up. So we felt like little kids and then grown ups in the same night.